Scrumptious, savory … and slightly suicidal.
This list is for anybody that – like me – thinks that fruits and veggies are for kids. And sissies. Real men and women eat food so tasty, so flavorful, so delicious that your arteries will shiver in fear just from looking at it. Here are 20 of my favorites
1. 4.800 Calorie Burger
If you ever wanted to know what a heart attack on a plate looked like… well, now you know. Ironically, the Fifth Third Burger is a menu item at games for a Michigan minor-league baseball team, a group that (allegedly) values health and well being. The calorie count is 4,800 thanks to 5.3 pounds of beef and only-God-knows amounts of chilli, cheese, salsa, Fritos, and sour cream.
2. Meta Meat Cake
What happens when you put beef, pork, ham, sausage (4 kinds), cappy, bacon, pepperoni and cheese together? A meat cake, of course. A hardcore carnivores dream… or nightmare.
3. KFC & Krispy Kreme Fried Chicken Luther Double Down Sandwich
For less than $7 you can give your doctor a coronary. The recipe is simple: just buy a Double Down sandwich from KFC and swap out the buns for two Krispy Kreme donuts. Throw in an unhealthy dollop of Colonel’s sauce and you’re in for a heartache of a good time.
Dietary Fiber is one of the best ways to reduce bad cholesterol levels. Take a look at this list on high fiber foods and fiber supplements like Glucomannan. However, don’t fall prey to the fiber’s weight loss claims as proposed by certain diet pill companies. Glucomannan Fiber is probably not the best way to lose weight.
4. The Shackleton 6000 Calorie Polar Dinner
Who wouldn’t want to consume 6,000 calories in a single meal? For about $120 you can head to London’s Green Door Bar and Grill to get The Shackleton (named after adventurer Ernest Shackleton) which consists of a 20oz steak, a hoosh stew, and pork. But your meal isn’t finished until you drink your beverage, err, beverages… which means one ice cream shake, a glass wine and can of beer.
5. Giant Ice Cream Sundae
Now, I like ice cream sundaes just as much as the next man… but… 90 gallons of vanilla ice cream? 10 gallons of chocolate fudge and strawberries? At least the 30 pounds of chopped pecans are kind of healthy. Kind of.
6. Worlds Biggest Omelette
Ironically, the World’s Largest Omelette is meant to promote eggs as a healthy food to eat. Something about frying up 110,010 eggs in over 114 gallons of oil doesn’t seem like the picture of perfect health to me. And, for the record, the American Health Association recommends 300mg of cholesterol daily and a single fried egg contains 230mg.
7. Deep Fried Everything
A British couple in Brooklyn is really getting into the American spirit, selling nothing but deep fried goodness out of their Park Slope Chip Shop. I’m not talking just French fries here. I’m talking twinkies, Mars Bars, and Oreos. When doubling the calorie count of your meal is your goal, this is certainly the way to go.
8. Heart Attack Scrambler Breakfast
Packed with enough calories to last two days, The Scrambler might actually make your heart explode. At first blush the plate is simply eggs, potatoes, cheese, gravy and bacon. But when you consider that you’re eating 3 ounces of said ingredients you start to see why it might not be your healthiest meal ever. Just head to Mickie’s in Madison, WI if you’re keen to cutting a few years of your life span.
9. Squeeze with cheese
The Squeeze Inn (Sacramento, CA) is all about slowing your blood flow. Just order your burger with the Squeeze with Cheese upgrade and they’ll douse your 1/3 pound burger with enough cheese to make a nacho cry. Diabolical in all the right ways.
10. Junior’s Latke Sandwich
Using potato pancakes as buns to for a brisket sandwich doesn’t sound like such a bad idea to me. IT’s the dipping sauce – either, sour cream, gravy, or apple sauce – that put it up there on the heart murmur scale. You can find the sandwich (called the Something Different Sandwich) exclusively at Junior’s in NYC.
11. Bacon Cheese Turtleburgers
Granted, turtleburgers don’t exactly look appetizing. Then again, when have you ever known anything that incorporates bacon not to be delicious? After the Saints made it to the Super Bowl something possessed vendors to put cheese, beef and hot dogs together. This is the result.
12. Every Topping Under The Sundae
Now if you haven’t been converted to the God send that is Cold Stone already, I have nothing more to say to ye. And if you have you’ll appreciate the heart stopping potential of the Everything Under the Sundae, which piles sweet cream ice cream and Oreo cream filling ice cream with 2 kinds of chocolate chips, 8 kinds of candy, 2 kinds of sprinkles, 4 kinds of nuts, 5 kinds of berries, 2 kinds of shavings, 4 kinds of sauces, pineapple, brownies, cherry pie filling, marshmellows,2 kinds of crumbles, cookie dough and Oreo cookies, peanut butter, pie crust, cake pieces AND whipped cream. Eat and die slowly
13. Red Velvet Fried Chicken
Fried Chicken battered in Red Velvet cupcake mix… genius if you ask me. Serve it with mashed potatoes (garlic and cream cheese) and you have a winner. Plus, with the “salad” on the side you can even tell the wife that your order is almost healthy.
14. Supersized Schnitzel
Everything at Restaurant Waldgeist (Hofheim, Germany) is supersized… not like McDonalds supersized though. More like Godzilla supersized. Their Schnitzel is no different and it’s served with french fries to boot. This is the kind of meal that destroys any hope you had of getting back into shape. Ever.
15. Mayonnaise Drinks
Koji Nakamura created the Mayogarita… which I take as proof that he’s the anti-christ. As the name suggests, the drink is a standard margarita given a blood-clotting kick of mayonnaise. You can find it exclusively at Nakamura’s Mayonnaise Kitchen in Tokyo, Japan.
16. Iskender Kebap Soaked in Butter
The Iskender Kebap is a dish consisting of 5 types of lamb, strained yogurt, and a half pound of butter. Total calorie count is around 2,000. You’ll find this dish everywhere in Turkey, making the country a great entrepreneurial opportunity for any cardiologists reading this.
17. The Hamdog
In Decatur, Georgia a small pool hall named Mulligan’s has been actively crushing arteries for years now. Their chef/owner Goff serves a hamburger/hot dog/cheese sandwich deep-fried and doused in chilli, bacon, egg and onions. Your heart will flutter after one bite of the 1,000+ sandwich… and by the last, it may be time for a requiem.
18. The Garbage Plate
The name (Garbage Plate) could be better, but Nick Tahou might’ve been onto something big with this one. It’s basically red and white hots, sausage, chicken, fish, ham, cheese, eggs, mustard, ketchup, hot sauce, onions, and a whole lot of beef piled onto a plate of beans and potatoes. Your taste buds will jump for joy between heart palpitations.
19. Smith Island Cake
This isn’t the most complex of desserts – it’s simply a 10 layer chocolate cake – but it gets a mention due to its fat content. A single serving injects 26 grams of fat into your system… which balances out to 234 unhealthy calories.
20. Lobster Roll
You haven’t tasted heaven until you’ve had a lobster roll. A decadent mix of mayonnaise, butter and lobster meat, the lobster roll is so bad for the body but so good for the taste buds. The lobster roll you get at pizza shop Papa Gino’s carries about 34 grams of fat.